Project Ethiopia Update

Good afternoon!!!

We have some exciting news to share...We received word today from our social worker that our home study has officially been approved by both our home study and adoption agency! Our social worker said she has finished her part in this process by signing and sending the copies off to our home study agency in Indianapolis. She estimated they will receive the paperwork by Monday which means we will hopefully have our home study in hand by this time next week.  This is exciting because that means we are back on track and we will soon be able to submit our i600a to the United States Immigration and Citizen Services.  This will be for "preapproval" of Amira's citizenship.  It is at this point our final background check will be completed as we will be required to get fingerprinted.  We are looking forward to get this next step done as I have been told it can take up to 6 weeks to complete.  Hurray for progress!

I also wanted to take this time to thank James O'Connor and his karate school as he has offered to display our fundraising items and promote the concept of having compassion for others at his next belt test.  I think this is amazing for a few reasons, one being that word of our adoption is continuing to spread over northwest Indiana.  As more people hear of our story, the stronger our prayer chain becomes.  Not only are others hearing our story but they are hearing about the orphan crisis of the world.  Sometimes it is easy to ignore what we cannot see or maybe we don't even realize the problems that exist in our world today, but the reality is out there.  There are children who need us.  Whether that be through adoption, sponsorship, mission work or prayer, they need our love and support.  Lastly, I think it is amazing that Mr O'Connor is promoting the concept of having compassion for others to the youth of his establishment.  It is obvious many of these children look up to him and value his opinions. Training children young to have a heart for others is an amazing life lesson, something we are teaching our children and its great to see others value it as well.  So a big thanks to you!!  And best of luck at your belt tests this weekend.

It never ceases to amazing me the people God has placed in our path along this journey.  We are truly appreciative of everything everyone has done for us.  Whether it be helping with fund raisers, buying a shirt or bracelet, making a donation or praying for us, our journey, and our daughter half way around the world, we are so grateful.  Your acts of kindness and compassion are more encouraging than you may think.  So thank you. :-)

We will continue to keep you updated as we venture down this road we call adoption.  God bless!

Project Ethiopia Gift Shop :)

I know we have a lot of things going on with fundraisers and I thought it might be helpful to put on a blog what we have that we are selling to raise money for our adoption.  Each of these items are still available for purchase.  If you are interested in any of the following please email me at nayres19@comcast.net

Thanks again for your continued support and prayers!!! :)


Project Ethiopia T-Shirts.  Available in Gray and Orange.  $20 Each.

  

Believe Bracelets.  $10 Each.  Part of the proceeds from these bracelets are used to help provide people in Africa clean drinking water and the other part is used toward our adoption.  A win/win for everyone!!

Haiti Bracelets.  $10 Each.  These bracelets were made in Haiti and each one tells a story - each bracelet has a picture of the individual in Haiti who made it and a little background on their life.  Part of the proceeds from this bracelet are sent back to Haiti to help with the citizens there.  Another win/win situation. :)

Last home study visit!!!

We had our fourth and final home study visit with our social worker last night!! We are so excited to almost have another thing checked off our to do list for our dossier. During our last visit, we read over our home study report to check for accuracy, answered a few more questions and diagramed our support system. I have really enjoyed working with our social worker; she has been very helpful at answering a lot of questions and helping us to feel comfortable during our meetings. 

So where do we go from here?? We wait. Half the challenge of adopting internationally is waiting. Over the next week (or two or three), our home study will cycle through the necessary checkpoints to get approved and finalized. Our social worker will make the final changes and revisions and forward the report on to our home study agency. Our social worker is hoping to have her final copy ready for the home study agency by this wednesday.  On Wednesday, our international coordinator at St Elizabeth will review the packet. Once she has approved everything, she will send it off to our adoption agency to review and approve it as well. Once everyone is in agreement that this report meets Ethiopian expectations, it will be signed and notarized. This is a big step to get completed and we are so excited to almost be done!!  :)

At this point we are pretty much at a standstill with moving forward with our dossier paperwork.  However, we still have lots to do to keep us busy. We are currently in the process of applying for grants which require lots of essays and my favorite part... MORE paperwork!! We are also working on several fundraisers and preparing a detailed testimony of what has led us to adopt, how God has been involved, where we are to date and adoption success stories. We are also putting together a presentation on PowerPoint with pictures and videos to go along with our testimony. We also have an orphan walk to prepare for as well as planning a possible chili dinner around November. We are also working on selling t shirts and bracelets.  If anyone is interested in any of these events and/or interested in purchasing a t shirt or bracelet, please let me know. :)

I would also like to take this time to ask for prayers for families who are planning their trip to Ethiopia this month. As you may or may not know, the embassy closes for a few months in Ethiopia due to severe rain. The rain is so intense that it leaves roads untravelable.  Please keep these families in your thoughts and prayers as they quickly piece together the last things the need to travel, as well as booking their tickets before the courts shut their doors. 

We want to thank everyone for their support and prayers. Your encouraging words mean a lot to us. Through Gods strength and grace we will soon be a family of 5!!! God bless!! 

Dear Friends Of Adoptive Moms (and Dads)

I found this article online today that was posted by a fellow adoptive mom.  She was writing this letter to the friends and family of adoptive moms (and dads) to help explain some of the emotions we go through during the process of adopting internationally. It is truly amazing how much I can relate to all of her points... 

Dear Friends of Waiting Adoptive moms:

1. Your friend is not crazy. (She is adopting.)

There is, I will admit, a fine line between those two but still it’s good to remember. The international adoption of a child requires enough paperwork to kill a small forest. And more governmental red tape than you can believe. Imagine your longest, most frustrating trip to the DMV. Now quadruple that, add in twelve more governmental agencies in two countries, and remember it’s not a driver’s license you’re waiting for but the final piece of paper that says this family you’re creating can finally, finally be together. Yeah. Not crazy. But close.

2. She loves a child she’s never met.

It’s possible. So possible. It’s irrational and crazy but it’s reality. Does she love them like she will once she gets to know them? No. But she loves them. She wakes up loving them and goes to sleep loving them. She drives to the grocery story and aches to have them safe and snug in the carseat waiting for them. She pushes her cart around the store and hears a child cry and her heart pounds wondering if her child is crying? Alone? Hungry? She might even have to leave an entire grocery cart full of food in the yogurt aisle to go home and cry because it just is too hard. Way too hard.

3. It’s difficult having your heart on the other side of the world.

To people on the outside they don’t look like our kids, on paper they might not be our kids yet. But in our hearts we love these children like they are and yet we’re not together. We’re moms without children (Or moms missing a piece of our family in our case). It’s an ache that doesn’t go away. It starts before we see their faces and only ends when they’re in our arms. So we walk about with half our heart missing. It’s hard to breathe, to think, to speak. Something always feels missing. Because they are.

4. She is addicted to her email.

It’s okay. This is a temporary condition and most make a full recovery. It can be diagnosed by refusal to allow separation from her smart phone, or glassy-eyed concentration as she clicks “refresh” over and over and over on her computer. Other signs may include: waking up in the middle of the night to check because it’s X time over there, and muttering aloud “must get home, must check for update, must get home” while out in public.

5. Her child has been through trauma.

If she’s like a lot of moms she won’t be advertising that fact everywhere because she respects her child’s privacy. But children don’t come to the place of needing a second family because they were placed in a cabbage patch by unicorns and leprechauns. Adoption comes from loss. Loss she will see in her child’s eyes and in their heart. Loss that as a mama can make your soul curl up in a ball for an ugly cry. So don’t tell her the kids are lucky. You wouldn’t tell a person who lost an arm that they’re lucky to have a prosthetic one would you? I mean yeah, they are lucky to have that replacement. But you know what would be luckier? Not losing that arm in the first place. So please be understanding. Also, maybe instead of asking for her child’s story outright ask “are you sharing about his history before you?” That gives her a chance to either answer you or bow out graciously.

6. Adoption isn’t pregnancy.

It just isn’t. Well, it is in that at the end of it the hope is to have a new son or daughter in your arms. But I’ve yet to meet a pregnant woman who wonders how old her child will be upon entry into the family. Adoption is different. There is no due date for us. Let that sink in. No due date. And even given preemies and late arrivals with the baby by stork method you have a narrow months-long window of time in which the baby will arrive. That brings us to point number seven.

7. She probably doesn’t know when the child is coming home.

And she has probably been asked this approximately twelve times that day. Because you, her awesome friends, care about her! (And also you secretly worry she’s going a little nuts, see point #1.) And I get it. It’s hard with adoption because you don’t know what to ask. I feel that way with pregnant ladies, like what am I supposed to say? “Your ankles really don’t look that bad do they?” Recently I learned the always safe phrase “you look great – how is baby doing?”, the adoption equivalent is “I know you must miss your kiddos, how is the adoption going?” Or, if you don’t have time to have her break down and cry all over you try the even safer “can I see your latest update pictures?” and then ooh and aww over their cute faces. Even if the pictures are horrible say something positive. I mean I don’t tell people that their sonogram pictures sometimes look like aliens made of bread dough. 

8. She isn’t sure they’re coming home.

This is the part of the adoption process that makes you want to crawl under your bed and not come out until it’s safe again. This is the part that tears you soul in two. This is the part that you wake up in the morning remembering and going to bed at night fearing. Because there are no guarantees. And that’s hard. No, not hard. It’s gut-wrenching. It’s not just the fear that your child might die before having a family, it’s that this child you love with every ounce of your being might grow up in an orphanage, on the streets, or worse.

9. Your friend is kind of stupid.

I know. That’s harsh. But it’s true. You try operating on a daily basis with only half your heart and half your brain, because that’s what it’s like. ‘Cause they other half of you is wrapped up in a tiny person who is half a world and what feels like a lifetime away. Also, because of the time zone difference it means that half of you is awake pretty much all the time.

10. She doesn’t need to hear your HAS (horrible adoption stories.)

Yes, I know, everyone knows of someone’s uncle’s neighbor who adopted a child and then the child burned down the school with the power of her mind after her classmates dumped a bucket of pigs blood on her. (Oh wait, that’s the storyline of “Carrie” isn’t it?) But sharing these stories are the equivalent of telling someone hopping in a plane for their first sky-diving session “I watched this video on youtube where a guy skydived. He died. And his body was all smashed and stuff.” Maybe it’s true but it’s also not overly helpful. Unless you’re the kind of person who also goes up to pregnant woman and says “I read a book about this lady who got pregnant one time, she gave birth to a kid who became a serial killer and sewed a suit of clothes out of his victims skin. (Shoot, that’s the storyline of “Hannibal” isn’t it? Well, I tried.)

Do “Adoptive Kids” sometimes grow up and do horrible thing? Yep. You know who else grows up and does horrible things? “Vaginal kids.” So really, the warning should be more along these lines: “You’re going to be a parent huh? Good luck with that.”

11. She has probably done her research

Don’t assume she’s going into this because of a driving urge to be mistaken for Angelina Jolie. Unless she is also demanding everyone call her husband “Brad” it probably comes from some deeper place. Or you know, her husband’s name really IS Brad. Chances are she’s read books on adoptive parenting, has agonized for hours over which adoption agency to choose from. Made a decision. Then agonized some more. She’s thought about the ethical questions. And if you don’t think she has then maybe ask. “How did you pick your agency?” “What led you to X country?”

12. She looks brave on the outside, she’s brave on the inside too. But she’s also a mess

Which, I think is what mothering and loving is all about. Being a mess. Throwing your love out there and not knowing if you’re ever going to get it back. It’s scary. It’s vulnerable. It feels like you can’t breathe and when you can it hurts to do it. And you don’t want to complain about that because you picked it. So you pick up the pieces of your heart and you keep going. You keep going because at the end of the day what you go through as an adoptive mother is nothing compared to what children go through when they live their life without family. And that’s what this journey is all about.